After Cian was born, the nurses, the lactation consultant, and the doctor told Luz that she would need to pump for a couple weeks to get her milk to come in for Cian. We had the pump and it was on her bedside table right next to where she would sit. I was home for a couple weeks and I thought this will be perfect. I will be taking care of Cian and she can pump a few times a day to get her milk to come in.
She pumped a bit at first and then not long after, despite me keeping the machine clean and ready to go any time she wanted to use it, she quickly ceased all together. She knew that in her day of sitting there watching Kardashians and housewives of wherever-the-fuck all day long she should be pumping if she wanted Cian to be able to breastfeed. But, she intentionally let her milk die instead.
If she had made the decision to not breast feed. I would not have respected it but I would have accepted it. All the while I kept my mouth shut fearing her wrath as I had experienced the previous 5 years.
The problem was that she went around telling people that she could not breast feed Cian because her body just did not cooperate when it was the exact opposite. While she told her family, my family, and our friends this lie, I backed her play. I helped her lie to everyone out of fear and because I believe in backing your partner publicly even when you disagree privately with them. My obedience and dedication turned me into a complicit liar. I sat there and helped her lie to all the people who mean so much to me.