My commute is usually long. An hour and a half in the summer is normal. It might seem silly to some, but I love driving in the heat with my windows down, my shirt off, and my voice singing as loudly as my music can go.
I drove home one hot summer day like I like. I went inside and I was happy. I had a good drive full of singing my favorites and feeling the sun and wind on me. When I got inside I was greeted with, "How did you get that scratch?" Luz was looking at the line the seatbelt had made across my abdomen. I told her it was not a scratch. I told her it was just a pressure line created by the seatbelt. She wasn't having it. It was a another cold evening. Even when I showed her it was gone, she was still acting like I had done something wrong.
I made sure to never come back inside again with my shirt off after driving home. I had to endure that jealousy again just because I drove home with my shirt off and came in before I put it back on. Of course, she never apologized even though I am sure she realized how wrong she was. And still I stayed.
The window to "Get the fuck out of my life!"
One Sunday morning, my mom called me and asked me to come up to here place (about 20 minutes away) and help install a window. I figured I would hustle up there and be back in about 2 hours—we had nothing planned for the day and my mom who had helped us so much was asking for a small favor. A few minutes later I heard Luz scheduling a nail appointment. When she got off I asked when her appointment was and explained that I was headed up to my mom's to help she and a couple guys install a window.
She went bonkers. She started screaming at me about how I never tell her what is going on. Now, you have to know that my schedule is very rigid and almost never changes. My work, my time with my boys, and the tiny amount of free time I have in between is the time when I am home. I do nothing else. I have no friends. I don't go out. I literally have the same schedule every week. Now, knowing that and considering that this woman is screaming at me that I never tell her what is going on, you might say, "technically she is right," because for years my rigid schedule has not changed so there has never been a reason to explain it. But she screamed at me nonetheless and continued on into one of her "get the fuck out of my life" tirades.
I took it and I took it. Because my mom asked me to give her a couple hours of help, Luz decided it was cause for screaming at me to, "get the fuck out of my life!" I will never understand what happens in her head. I tried for so many years and I tried everything I could to never bring her to this point. I was constantly in fear of it because I had no way of knowing when or why it would happen again. I stayed and I took the pain. She even skipped my mom's birthday over it. Just Cian, Talon, and I went.
She went bonkers. She started screaming at me about how I never tell her what is going on. Now, you have to know that my schedule is very rigid and almost never changes. My work, my time with my boys, and the tiny amount of free time I have in between is the time when I am home. I do nothing else. I have no friends. I don't go out. I literally have the same schedule every week. Now, knowing that and considering that this woman is screaming at me that I never tell her what is going on, you might say, "technically she is right," because for years my rigid schedule has not changed so there has never been a reason to explain it. But she screamed at me nonetheless and continued on into one of her "get the fuck out of my life" tirades.
I took it and I took it. Because my mom asked me to give her a couple hours of help, Luz decided it was cause for screaming at me to, "get the fuck out of my life!" I will never understand what happens in her head. I tried for so many years and I tried everything I could to never bring her to this point. I was constantly in fear of it because I had no way of knowing when or why it would happen again. I stayed and I took the pain. She even skipped my mom's birthday over it. Just Cian, Talon, and I went.
Why are you wearing cologne?
I couldn't wear cologne. If I did, she would go into one of here little jealousy mental pits and think that somehow that meant I was cheating on her. I would get a pissy, "Why are you wearing cologne?" any time I had it on. The only time I did not get that was when I was going out with her.
Even small things like that—just wanting to put some cologne on—got to be a fearful thought. I knew that if I put it on I was going to be questioned and then shunned once again.
Even small things like that—just wanting to put some cologne on—got to be a fearful thought. I knew that if I put it on I was going to be questioned and then shunned once again.
Texting a parent of a kid I coached
The mom of one of the boys from the team who came to practice with us at Maxwell seemed to understand that I loved coaching these kids and how I took an interest in them doing well. When these practices at Maxwell were going on, I would text to invite him and his mom would reply with what they had going on or if he could make it.
Then later we had another conversation about Babe Ruth baseball and how the boys were doing.
Her son went to a different school than mine and they both played for their schools. At one point she messaged me asking me about the experience my son was having with his team because her son was not having that good of an experience. We texted briefly about it but I stopped talking to her and kind of left the conversation hanging after just a few messages.
These few very short conversations entirely about baseball and the boys happened over the course of about 9 months. But, each time I had one of these conversations Luz would get pissed. She would tell me how it was going to turn into an affair. She would go into one of her jealous moods and for a week again I was a pariah.
After one of the last conversations she was screaming at me to get the fuck out of her life. She was berating me about carrying on with women. When I asked her who these women were, she could not come up with any names or examples or even fuzzy memories. I gave her my phone and let her go through our messages. She read them and then just kept going. I kept asking her, what am I supposed to do? Was I just supposed to not talk to parents who message me about their players. This mom was not the only parent who messaged me about their players but Luz seemed to take a special interest in this one parent. I could not understand what Luz thought I should do. She could not answer me and just kept telling me how it was going to become an affair.
After the third conversation when she went into her jealous rage, I told her I was not going to do anything differently. I told her that if any parent messages me about their players, I am going to talk. I told her how I can't live. I can't do something I love to do, coach, without feeling like she is going to jump all over me and scream horrible shit at me just because I am talking to a parent about their player. When I told her I was not going to do anything differently, that turned into weeks of pain. She was screaming at me every other day to get the fuck out of her life.
But, this was the first time I did not acquiesce. After about five years of this kind of shit, this was the first time I told her I was not going to give in to her. But, old habits die hard. I left the last conversation hanging and some day I need to explain to this mom what happened.
This was the point where I decided I could not fix her. She was not going to fix herself.
But then, after one of these nights of her screaming at me and me sleeping on the couch like I had for the months before that, she came out of her bedroom at 4 am. She started to ask me how we can fix us. We talked a bit and she kinda listened to what I was saying about not being able to live. I told her about how nothing I could do was ever safe from her wrath. Something as simple as brining her a rose could turn her into a jealous rage. I told her that I did not want her anymore. But the conversation progressed and I told her the only way I would ever be willing to try to fix what we had was if she went and got help for her delusional paranoid jealousy.
She agreed.
She never went.
Kidnapping
After I had ended our relationship, I created a schedule based on our work schedules. Cian was with me certain days and with Luz certain days most often alternating from one day to the next. That way he was able to be with each of us as frequently as possible. On one of these days, I came to get Cian and then Luz got in the shower. I had an appointment at my new house to meet someone to do some work, so Cian and I went over to the house. This was our day together, so Cian was supposed to be with me.
A bit after I arrived at my house, Luz pulled in. She got out and started screaming at me outside. She was irate that I took Cian. She was leaving for work and it was Cian's day with me, but somehow in her mind I had taken him without her permission—as if he was her son and I am just some guy she allows to hang out with my son. Since he was born, that is how it has been. To her I am just a caretaker who gets to be with his own son only at her pleasure.
She screamed at me that if I ever take him like that again she will call the police and charge me with kidnapping. Kidnapping—for taking my son at our agreed upon time when it was his and my day together. See, even with an agreement in place she is the kind of person who would charge her son's father with kidnapping and scream that around all of my new neighbors.
I did nothing wrong. I followed all the rules and pandered to her every whim and still she thought it was ok to do something like this. Once again, in her mind, this was completely right and justified as she told me again later.
A bit after I arrived at my house, Luz pulled in. She got out and started screaming at me outside. She was irate that I took Cian. She was leaving for work and it was Cian's day with me, but somehow in her mind I had taken him without her permission—as if he was her son and I am just some guy she allows to hang out with my son. Since he was born, that is how it has been. To her I am just a caretaker who gets to be with his own son only at her pleasure.
She screamed at me that if I ever take him like that again she will call the police and charge me with kidnapping. Kidnapping—for taking my son at our agreed upon time when it was his and my day together. See, even with an agreement in place she is the kind of person who would charge her son's father with kidnapping and scream that around all of my new neighbors.
I did nothing wrong. I followed all the rules and pandered to her every whim and still she thought it was ok to do something like this. Once again, in her mind, this was completely right and justified as she told me again later.
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