I used to be so damn excited when Luz was coming to my place in Pleasanton. If I had my front door open, I could see down to the parking lot and I would often catch her pulling in. I would hustle down the stairs to be there to open her door when she got out. Usually I was working right up until she arrived. I worked from home so I was usually in decently casual clothes. Luz was usually coming from work so she was dressed sort of business casual, at least better than my work from home clothes. One day, it was probably a Friday, I decided I would clean up, dress nicely, and meet her down in the parking lot to take her out to dinner. So, I shaved, showered, did my hair, and dressed nice enough for a downtown Pleasanton dinner. Like usual, I saw her arrive and I hustled down to meet her as she got out of her car. But this time she looked at me and instantly would not come near me. She asked, "Why are you dressed up? Who are you dressed up for?" I replied with my plan of heading right away to dinner. She said something, that I learned as time went on meant trouble, "That's weird." She asked me again why I was dressed up. I did not understand what was going on. Our discussion became more and more frustrating and hopeless for me. It did not matter what I said she had something else going on in her head. She had gone instantly cold when she saw me but then she got angry. This turned out to be part of that "trouble" pattern.
All I wanted to do was surprise her a bit, look better for her than I usually do, and enjoy a weekend with the woman I loved. But instead I got a Luz who assumed I was cheating on her because in her mind I had just come from being with someone. I dressed up for her and that means to her that I am cheating. She had come all the way from Richmond. She got back in her car and left me standing there.
She ignored me for days and I begged and pleaded with her on voicemail and over text to please understand, "All I was doing was trying to do something nice for you and us." I was distraught and felt powerless. I was losing my love because of something good I did. Why would me doing something nice like that turn into my woman disappearing from me? What could I have done differently? And right there is and was my problem. I started trying to figure out what I could do to avoid this situation in the future like it was my fault. I was compromising myself. I began apologizing to her over text and voicemail and somehow after a week or more she replied and came back around.
Those days were agonizing. I was powerless to stop the loss or even understand why Luz had decided to be angry, leave, and ignore me for days. Each night I lay awake with anxiety running through my body like when your foot falls asleep and the blood starts to recirculate. It was all over me and in me and I did not sleep and I could not smile.
I should not have allowed myself to be treated in such a way and I should have recognized that if someone can be that jealous to the point of delusion that there was nothing I was going to do to be able to stop it just by changing my behavior. It was who she was and is and I should have left her then.